


Bridges

by indigomini



Series: What We Find [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 12:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigomini/pseuds/indigomini
Summary: Kyungsoo dogsits for Jongin. A one-shot from the WWF universe. Spoilers abound. Please don't read unless you've read What We Find.





	Bridges

**Author's Note:**

> This is super angsty, and I cried when the idea came to me, and instead of working on things I should've been working on, I banged this out tonight in like...no time flat. So...I hope you like it.

The fur beasts’ enthusiastic sniffing gives him away before he is ready to knock. He is busy texting Minseok to turn down yet another makeup date when Jongin yanks the door open, jamming a foot into the crack to keep his dogs from escaping into the hallway.

“You’re the _best_ ,” Jongin gushes, pulling him inside.

Jongin has his hair styled up and has—Kyungsoo suspects—a thin layer of dewy BB cream applied over his face. He's wearing the grey shirt that Kyungsoo bought him last week, and a pair of ratty, old shorts. God help him, Jongin looks so fucking cute tonight.

“So,” Jongin intones, pulling at his own fingers as he paces in front of Kyungsoo, “they've already eaten. I just walked them. You can give them treats if you want, but no more than five pieces. They need to go potty in an hour, and then you can just let them tire each other out after that. If you want to play with them—”

“That's not really my thing—”

“— _If you want to play with them_ ,” Jongin continues loudly, “don't use anything with squeakers. One of my neighbors filed a complaint last month.”

His eyebrows furrow at the thought, “Which one?”

Jongin shrugs. “Doesn't matter. Just don't get me fined.” He pats himself down to find his phone, simultaneously locating it in his back pocket and remembering that he's indeed still wearing shorts. He makes a face at Kyungsoo before whirling around and dashing off for the bedroom.

“So which fur beast would you say you'd miss the least?” Kyungsoo calls out after him, smirking at the unamused shriek Jongin makes.

“I’ll chop you into tiny, tiny pieces, Do Kyungsoo!” Jongin yells back. “These are my babies!”

He's too busy staring at Jongin's legs when he comes back to the living room, dressed in ridiculously tight skinny jeans. The loose flannel shirt looks even softer now.

“—yeah?”

“Huh?” Knock it off. Goddammit. Focus.

“I said, there's food in the fridge. I know you just got off work, and you probably skipped eating lunch earlier, so be sure to eat. ‘Mi casa, su casa’ and all that. Do you want me to bring you back anything?”

Kyungsoo gulps, swallowing away the bitter taste in his mouth. “No, I'm good.”

“Awesome.” Jongin beams at him, eyes shining as his cheek dimples. He squeezes Kyungsoo's shoulders briefly. “Thank you _so_ much. I'll be back as soon as I can.”

The words leave his mouth sounding way too convincing: “Don't worry about it. It’s not like I was doing anything anyway. Have a great night. Take all the time you want.”

Only a dozen or so more words exchanged, and then someone is knocking on the door, and Kyungsoo has to plaster on a smile as Sehun waves at him and the two finally leave together. _Finally_ , he can breathe.

Collapsing onto the couch was a terrible idea. Immediately, three balls of excited fur hop onto his lap and squirm, nudging at his hands for pets. Kyungsoo scowls and stands, brushing his pants off. These are work pants, and he doesn't want to have to wash them until Sunday, dammit.

The fur beasts follow him into Jongin's room and bounce off his shins as he loots through Jongin's dresser for a change of clothes. One of them still hasn't gotten over his presence in their domain, and starts zooming around the room in circles, leaping onto the bed each cycle.

“If only your dad was that happy to see me,” Kyungsoo mutters, skipping around on one foot as he tries to pull a pair of sweatpants on. He nearly faceplants, and catches himself on the desk, leaning against it to adjust the waistband and leg holes properly.

Something catches his eye as he turns to leave. He glances back to search for it, and finds a picture of himself, beaming proudly at the camera as he holds a plate out toward it. The photo is small, affixed to the open page of a notebook with scribbles and doodles all around it.

 _'Made omurice!!! It's so good!’_ the caption underneath it reads. Their little lunch thing from yesterday. He recognizes the familiar binding. This is Jongin's planner.

Today's entry has a to-do list, a reminder of Jongin's date tonight, and miscellaneous notes for his class. The previous entry has a similar format before the photo and comments.

He's just... _there_ , though. No preamble. No 'dear diary, this is Kyungsoo, my...best friend.’ How often does he get casually featured in here?

This is private. Sort of? It's really just a checklist and some random memories of the day though, it seems. Kyungsoo glances around, watching the dogs preoccupy themselves with wrestling each other, and quickly flips to the previous page. Just once.

A grocery list. Some more planning for school activities. A dentist appointment reminder. Pretty banal. There's a doodle of a monkey with a caption underneath: 'Dreamt a monkey wanted to sell my hair to buy bananas. What should I have done????’ He laughs, remembering getting a text the other morning of Jongin explaining the same dream verbatim to him, lamenting on how hair could grow back, but he would've just _bought_ it some bananas?

Another page. A picture of Jongin's lunch, it looks like. Jongin doesn't have Instagram. Or any social media. So he shares food pictures with his planner, it seems. He spots his name under 'chicken chicken chicken this place is so good bring soo here next week’. Again, nothing new. They just went there the other day. It _was_ good.

A petty thought trickles in: If he knows everything in here, would Sehun as well? Sehun, the _boyfriend_? So far, he's been mentioned twice, and Sehun only once, and really more of an appointment reminder than a mention.

The next page makes his stomach drop. The photo on the left page is Sehun, hair in disarray, one bare shoulder visible on the corner of the picture, sleeping soundly in Jongin's bed. The caption underneath reads 'A Giant Baby’.

At least it's not some lewd, detailed exposition of them fucking. But Kyungsoo feels like shit anyway, seeing proof of their relationship so casually displayed. It doesn't even seem to matter that Jongin has told him, on multiple occasions now, of his sexual journey as he relayed the same. _Seeing_ it is just too much.

To take his mind off of the picture, Kyungsoo reads through the entirety of the page on the right. Some memories of cute things his students have said to him, and a couple of receipts taped onto the page with washi. More lists.

...Technically, they're tied. Two mentions for Kyungsoo, two mentions for the boyfriend.

He's actually seen the next page before. Jongin had sent him a picture of it last week, and going by the date, it was possibly right after he finished it. Among the notes and lists and to-dos is a doodle of Jongin's babies. He was so proud that Kyungsoo couldn't even bring himself to tease him for it.

Jongin's actual fur babies are huddled around his feet, abandoning the comfort of the bed to snuggle each other on top of Kyungsoo's feet. It makes no sense. They're ridiculous.

‘ _Had to take a nap today. I needed it, but had another dream that the thread was whole again. Except I don't think it was him on the other end. Like one of those feelings I guess. Would that mean he got a new soulmate too? I would hope so… I think. What if he has a new one already, and he hasn't told me, because he didn't want to upset me?—’_

Reflexively, Kyungsoo looks down at the hand keeping the pages splayed open, at the frayed end of the red thread, and feels a pang in his chest. It's taboo to talk about. They can talk sexual partners and bowel movements and literally everything else under the sun, but soulmate discussion is brought up maybe once or twice a month, and only on the most shallow levels and quickly abandoned. He runs his thumb over the phantom thread, feeling only skin. Like always.

His phone vibrates, and Kyungsoo slips just enough of it out of his pocket to confirm that it's not from Jongin before chancing another look at the page. Jongin elaborates further on his dream for a few more sentences before making another to-do list. Below that are more doodles.

The dogs jump up eagerly when he scoots the chair back and stands up. They paw at his shins, asking to be picked up and petted, and Kyungsoo reminds himself that he is supposed to be dogsitting. They need to be taken out to go potty.

It takes an absurd amount of time to fit them into their little, complicated harnesses, and strap the leashes onto _those_ as well. Kyungsoo heaves a sigh as he herds them all into the elevator and heads to the ground floor on autopilot. His mind is still back in the room, in Jongin's planner. Back to Jongin's dream.

It never occurred to him that that could even be a possibility. It wouldn't make sense, …would it? He has the other half of their thread around his finger. It's _their_ thread. They're just not joined anymore. They're still soulmates. Jongin has to understand this, how perfect they are together.

Even if it's just as friends.

The thoughts claim all of his attention. He barely notices the walk through the little grassy area until someone shouts at him to pick up the dog shit being left behind. Kyungsoo hurriedly cleans up their messes and brings them back upstairs, dutifully wiping down their paws and putting the leashes back on their designated hooks.

The planner lays open, bidding him forward. That had probably gone too far. Jongin tells him about every stupid, random dream, but this is forbidden territory.

...Right?

And technically, if he’s going to be an asshole about it, that puts him in the lead. So why ruin a good thing…

‘ _Sehun sent this huge bouquet of flowers—’_

Fuck.

‘ _Date night with Sehun—’_

Goddammit. He flips past a big chunk of pages, crossing his fingers. There's a group selfie from a few weeks ago, one of those awful double dates that Jongin loves. Except, conveniently, there are only Jongin, Sehun, and himself in the photo. Minseok’s hand can just _barely_ be seen on Kyungsoo's waist, but his face clipped out of frame. Of course. But this one is a tie, though.

‘ _Soo is a lifesaver—_ ’

Better…

‘ _I’m being pathetic. How can we have one good interaction, and I’m ready to leave Sehun in an instant? How is he still on my mind? Have we not had dozens of shitty interactions before that? What does this say about me as a person? He works a block away from here. He saved Monggu. He cooked me dinner. He was so nice and perfect, and all I ever wanted, but months too late. There should not be any temptation. Why does it feel like he’s trying to play soulmates? Why do I want to play along?? We are not anymore. He is not a nice person. Why am I like this??’_

Kyungsoo swallows hard. It takes a minute to think, but he presumes this must have been that day in the rain, when one of Jongin’s fur beasts had run into him. This was months ago…

‘ _Maybe sex only has fireworks if it’s with soulmates. Last night hurt. :( I guess you have to get used to it for it to feel good? He’s just really big? It’s not like I can compare with—’_

Holy shit, how far back has he gone? The next dozen pages don’t have any anecdotes, just to-do lists and planning notes, or the occasional motivational quote. Kyungsoo skips over several months worth in just a few short pages, landing on one that takes up an entire page on its own. The writing is angry, sloppy, and hard to make out.

‘ _His name is Kyungsoo. Why does that sound so pretty? Is it just because I waited my whole life to find out? He despises me. We are done now. My thread leads to nowhere. I have no soulmate. But his smile looked so beautiful even when he was rubbing in my face that it’s all over. This is cruel. Do I not deserve love? Why him? What did I do that was so bad?_

_‘If this was some clerical error, shouldn’t someone else have fixed it? If it was a divine mistake, then why was I punished? Why let me pull it? So I can’t complain? I couldn’t take it anymore! I just wanted him to stop hating me.’_

One of the dogs pawing at his leg again distracts him enough that Kyungsoo swallows, wipes at his eyes, and scoops it up, setting it into his lap. It licks at his fingers, nosing them to its ears for pets. Absently, Kyungsoo strokes the soft fur as he tries to calm his breathing, looking around the room for anything to alleviate the tightness in his chest. He hadn’t forgotten. Of course, he hadn’t forgotten. But he… had never apologized for that. That morning was a misunderstanding. It was. He wasn’t trying to goad him, by that point. He was trying to ferret out information. But it makes sense that Jongin would misunderstand. He had no reason to think otherwise of Kyungsoo.

He didn’t mean to hurt him. For once, he really didn’t. Playing it back, trying to see it through Jongin’s eyes, Kyungsoo stares down at his own frayed thread, feeling miserable.

The dog nudges at his fingers again to scratch the other side of its ears. He obliges as he swipes at a stray tear that escapes. At least the soft fur, the movement, is comforting in a way.

Not once has he blamed Jongin for this punishment, these feelings. He’s been jealous as hell of Sehun, but Jongin moving on was the right move. Jongin softening and allowing them to become closer, to become friends, is him being kind where Kyungsoo was cruel. If only he could make it up to him somehow, he would. In a heartbeat. For a whole lifetime.

His chest still hurts. But his fingers brush over the page and he flips further back. He knows what he’ll find, but he has to see it. He deserves to see it, to know what Jongin went through. Because of him.

Dozens of pages in the very front of the planner are missing. Ripped out. The first entry is just a block of text. No notes. No dates. No lists:

‘ _He doesn’t want me. He hates me so much, and he doesn’t even know my name. He doesn’t know a damn thing about me. The look on his face every time we run into each other, as if I orchestrated it, like I’m some crazy stalker who just won’t leave him alone. Like I have any say in this. Today, we bumped into each other at the bus stop, and all of my kids’ artwork went flying, and he looked at me like I set it all up, and then he walked off while I spent almost an hour trying to collect them again. What the fuck, who does that?_

_‘And to make it worse, why am I like this? Every time the red thread tightens up, my heart does not feel annoyance or anger or fear. It’s not afraid. It feels hope. Like maybe this time, he will see me and say sorry, and smile, and we can start being perfect. God, he hates me so much. Why am I such a fool? It would be so much better if it could do me the kindness of not expecting that this time, this next time, that next time, maybe THAT next time, he will be different and give me a chance. How much hope can fit into a body? When can I run out of it already? Will my heart survive all the hope that it has? I think it might be toxic. I think it might be possible to die from so much hope.’_

His phone buzzes, and this time, as if psychic, it’s actually Jongin. ‘ _Everything ok? Don’t forget potty break!!!’_

Memories hit him like an avalanche. Who was he, even, when they first met? He remembers the anger he felt, distantly. It was anger at the world, at fate, at society, but it was concentrated and unleashed entirely on Jongin.

Jongin, who only wanted to meet his soulmate and be everything and anything for him.

Jongin’s dog makes a surprisingly absorbent handkerchief. He feels guilty, but it’s impossibly comforting feeling its reassuring little kisses on his face as he sobs into its side. This is probably bad for its fur. One of the other two actually manages to hop into his lap and licks his chin, making soft whining sounds.

God, how many times had Jongin done exactly what he’s doing now, crying into his fur kids.

 

The dogs are up and excitedly hopping off the bed, stirring Kyungsoo from sleep. Mental exhaustion had lured him into Jongin’s bed, and he had doze off before he knew it. He sits up, wiping at the sleep crusting at his eyes. Down the hall, the front door shuts. His phone blinds him when he turns it on to check the time. It’s just past midnight.

“Babies!” cooes Jongin from the living room. “What did you do with your uncle?”

Kyungsoo bumbles his way out of the bedroom, beelining for Jongin, and pulls him in for a tight hug, sighing and inhaling his scent deeply. He can smell Sehun’s cologne, but all other thoughts go numb and drift off. They are unimportant and irrelevant. It’s just Jongin here.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, squeezing Jongin.

“Were they that rowdy?” Jongin asks, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “Oh my god, I’m sorry then. I should’ve come home sooner. It’s so late!”

He’s crossing a line. He knows. But Kyungsoo pulls Jongin’s left hand into his own, and stares hard at the ring finger, trying to will himself to see the thread. Jongin allows it, observing him silently even if he is confused.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Jongin asks quietly, after a minute or staring goes by.

He should confess. He went snooping around Jongin's planner, first out of curiosity, then to soothe his ego, only to find Jongin's most vulnerable thoughts in his hardest times.

The words deflate before they can form on his tongue. Why is he like this.

“They were really good,” Kyungsoo says instead, trying to mask a sniffle into a yawn. “We napped together.”

“You should stay the night. It's super late. I'm so sorry, I, ah, lost track of time.” Before him, Jongin blushes.

His heart manages to sink anyway. “Sounds like you and Daddy had fun,” he deadpans.

Jongin whines and pinches at his arm, jostling him. “Shut up, that sounds so gross. But I'm serious though. You're already changed. Might as well stay over.” He pushes Kyungsoo to the side, and hurries into the bedroom.

Kyungsoo feels panic sinking into his stomach. He never turned the planner back. As Jongin starts looting through his closet for a pillowcase, Kyungsoo sneakily edges toward the desk and nudges the book closed. It's suspicious, but not outright incriminating. Or so he hopes.

Jongin pushes the pillow and another blanket into his arms, giving him a weak shove. “Your toothbrush is still out, actually,” he says.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo feigns a grumpy voice, but even then, a smile stretches his lips.

 

He's snuggling into the couch cushions a little bit later when Jongin joins him, now in his pajama pants, and sits on Kyungsoo's feet. “You sure you're okay?” he asks.

“Sleepy.”

Jongin wiggles around, frowning. He's not entirely buying it. “Did you fight with Minseok again?”

He'd have to _talk_ to Minseok to fight with him. “No, Nini, I'm just…”

“...Just?”

Kyungsoo swallows and takes a couple of deep breaths. “I was remembering us… Like back in the day, when we first met. I'm… I'm just really sorry, Nini.”

He turns to look at Jongin's face, surprised to find a tight smile there. “Ahh, don't,” Jongin says, swatting half-heartedly at his face. “Don't think about that. We're not those people anymore.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says, feeling the weight of his words. “I know we're different, but I'm just so sorry—”

“I was a dumb kid back then,” Jongin says, touseling his fingers through Kyungsoo's hair and getting up. “It wasn't meant to be. So, reality check, mistakes happen.”

“Jongin—”

Jongin's voice takes on a saccharine tone. “If you feel bad about it, you can make breakfast tomorrow, since you're already here.”

Discussion over.  He sighs. He wants to apologize, but talking about it will just make Jongin uncomfortable or sad. His wants versus Jongin's.

“I'll make you a whole bowl of cereal,” Kyungsoo says.

“Yum,” Jongin says sarcastically. “Alright, I'm gonna brush teeth and sleep.”

He watches Jongin walk to the bathroom, and curls up into a ball, wrapping his arms tight around himself. Jongin just wants to move on. They are friends now, and Jongin has found happiness and a balance where they are friends. He has no right to ask for more.

One of the fur beasts pads over and leaps onto the couch, unceremoniously plopping itself right under Kyungsoo's chin.

Jongin had gone to the bedroom, but returns, looking all over the living room before he stares in shock at Kyungsoo and Jjangah. “What is happening…”

He doesn't mind. Not tonight, anyway. He is feeling selfish, and just having someone willing to snuggle him right now is comforting. “We bonded,” Kyungsoo explains.

“What'd you do to my little girl?”

Kyungsoo reaches out and strokes her ears. She flops onto her back, shimmying around so Kyungsoo can rub her belly. “Nothing. She likes me.”

Confusion shifts to distress into suspicion across Jongin's face. “And why are you okay with that suddenly?”

“I've been with them for the last couple of hours. Would you rather I cooked them all in a stew?”

Jongin cants his head to the side, covering his mouth with his hands dramatically. “Awww, you're falling for them. Like a redeemed stepdad. I'm soft.”

Maybe Jongin didn't get the insinuation in the title, but it warms Kyungsoo, and he really latches onto it. Stepdad. “Go sleep, Nini.”

Jongin suppresses another yawn, giving them one last long look and smiling to himself. “Goodnight, Soo, goodnight my little baby. I'm leaving the door open in case you change your mind.”

He's talking to Jjangah, of course, but Kyungsoo lets the words wash over him all the same. Against his chest, Jjangah squirms around for a few more seconds before she releases a long exhale and dozes off, breathing deeply in little puppy snores against him.

It doesn't bother him in the least.


End file.
